Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
