I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
