you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
