my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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