There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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