Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
