It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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