I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have feelings that need drinking.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
