i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
