I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
