Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
