I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
