Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
