Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
