You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
