DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
