some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
