census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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