I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
