: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
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