she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
