so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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