im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
