This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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