I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
