My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You pole danced in your parka.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
