how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
