that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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