You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
