I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
