3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
