So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
50% drunk capacity currently
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
