I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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