I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
NoShamevember. You game?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
