This is not my ceiling
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
