god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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