I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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