Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
