Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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