tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
