I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
