Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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