its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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