i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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