he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
