textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
