If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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