woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
