Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
