im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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