help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
