he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
