I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
