I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
