just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
