Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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