Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
