ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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