In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
