I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
