I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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