Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just wanna soil my oats bro
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
