She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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