Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
