Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
