I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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