Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
