6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
