We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
