I hate your face
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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