I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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