dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
