I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
