peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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