I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
