I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
